Resilient Minds: How Men Rise Above Chronic Mental Illnes

Breaking the silence, reclaiming strength — a journey through vulnerability, faith, and the fight to thrive

The year was 2005. I was fresh on campus, having been admitted to study an engineering course. Then I received a call from home. One call. It changed my entire life!

Children and their parents must live in a stable and safe family environment. This, however, was not the case for me. There was turbulence where I grew up. Lack, hunger, poverty, strife and quarrels were commonplace at home. I didn’t know that this environment was leaving an imprint on my young brain, but it was.

And then the call came. My mum had left. She couldn’t take it anymore. That broke me and sent me into a mental breakdown. The doctor called it Bipolar disorder—a mental illness that alters the mood of the person having it, oftentimes spiking with a high phase called mania on one spectrum and a low phase called depression on another. The mania is characterised by euphoric excitement and endless wild ideas, whereas the depression has that dark pit of hopelessness that has the potential to push you into committing suicide. I spoke about it here.

There is Good News

Twenty years later, I am thriving as a respected professional engineer, a loving family man and a compassionate leader in society. So how could such a broken man live a life of impact despite all this turbulence? I will tell you how.

I have cultivated some routines that help me thrive. Every man needs a rhythm, a predictable pattern of doing life. Integrity of character and being one with your word as an individual is equally paramount. Making and maintaining healthy relationships with fellow humans will give you an environment that is safe for you to thrive. Let’s explore how any man can navigate the mental health journey through the 7 Fs – Finances, Firm (Business and Career), Fitness, Family (Wife and Children), Fun, Friends and Faith.

Finances.

Debt that is caused by poor financial decisions can exert undue pressure on any individual. It is also a common cause of the stress that is compromising the mental health of many men today. It is true that the borrower is a servant to the lender; that means when in debt, you lose part of the freedom you have. If you can, avoid bad debt. Financial prudence demands that we make a decent earning, give back a portion towards doing God’s work, save a portion, be generous with a portion,  invest another portion to grow the earnings, and then live on the rest. Strive to be content and have one debt—the debt to love one another.

Firm.

As a man, it is fundamental to have meaningful and gainful work. Choose a skill and master it, so that you can earn some money to meet the day-to-day needs of living. After all, God promises to bless the works of our hands. Therefore, put your hands to work and your granary will always be full. I realised early enough that my magic bullet would be to distinguish myself as a professional, and so I studied. I amassed masters’ degrees, diplomas and technical certifications. That way, I remained competitive in the marketplace. 

Fitness.

Depressive episodes can drain one of vital energies for productive living. You are therefore encouraged to dust those sneakers, pick up those earphones and take that walk. The high you get after washing off that sweat with either a cold or hot shower leaves you with an experience to remember. If you get into the habit of walking or regularly exercising you will always feel fresh and better. And of course, you need to have a regular dose of your fruits and vegetables. I have found that walking regularly often blows away that dark cloud of unpleasant thoughts. 

Family.

Your most important possession as a man is your wife and children. You need to guard your family with all you have. Because when all is said and done, they are the inevitable constant. Spend valuable time with your children and instruct them in right living. Know also, that the best gift you can give them is to love their mother. I have realised that when everything is okay at home, most of the other areas will align. You will even desire to go back home early instead of heading for your regular evening joint.

Fun.

All work without play makes Jack a dull boy. It is true. You need to incorporate fun activities into your busy schedule. Establish what fun looks like for you and then go for it. For some, it could be spending on yourself. We need to enjoy life regularly, or at least once in a while. Even the good book recommends that we have fun – “I recommend having fun because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink and enjoy life,” it says.

Friends.

Talk therapy is one of the best antidotes to mental unwellness. And what better way to talk than with a good and trusted friend! “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” We are encouraged to keep friends that are loyal and those that contribute to mutual growth for the people in the friendship. Once friendship is genuine, love flows at all times and when the occasional bumps come, you are better placed to handle the adversity. Nurture those great friendships over a good game, coffee or your favorite drink.

Faith.

The other day, I saw a young lady walk in. She was tall and well-endowed. She pulled the chair, and I gasped.

Normally, I have some fresh juice at one of these cool restaurants along Lugogo Bypass. The other day, I saw a young lady walk in. She was tall and well-endowed. She pulled the chair, and I gasped. And then she sat without even checking whether the chair was clean. But that is not what I was worried about. I don’t think she had a clue if that chair could take her plus-size weight. But it did. And for a long time.

That is FAITH – the assurance of things hoped for, the evidence of that which is unseen. That lady had faith in that chair. And we do many times. Without faith, it is impossible to please God. My faith in God anchors me no matter the season of life. Whenever you are overwhelmed, please cast your cares unto him. Above all, Jesus says, ‘Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest,” Matthew 11:28. Come my brother. Simply come!